It’s a bucket list two-fer, ladies and gents! A group of my favorite ladies, who are as equally warped as me, accompanied me to a female strip club. Then, on the way home, my friend Anne and I ate a diner around 1:30 in the morning, another 2014 goal.
1. First, the strip club
Why did I want to go? It’s as simple as this: I’ve never been to one and don’t want to judge elements of this world without experiencing them. Also, I have major nudity hang-ups thanks to my guilt-ridden, Catholic upbringing and want to rid myself of them. So, here’s what I experienced:
- Camelot in DC
DEGREE OF EXPOSURE:
- Full nude and oftentimes the parts, naturally hidden due to anatomical design, were aimed in our direction.
- I felt very uncomfortable at first, but became desensitized (which is something I don’t like about our overly-sexualized culture, but don’t want to get into any deep thoughts right now.)
- No cover, but one glass of wine was $14 and water was $8. That’s a ridiculous amount of money.
- I ordered onion rings because I wanted to taste strip club food. They were only $5 — a steal compared to water!
- Not allowed to take photos, so there are no pictures of me awkwardly going up to the stage and inserting a few singles in a dancer’s garter belt. But it happened.
- It was much classier than I imagined. We had our own table which was near the small stage where the lone stripper danced.
- No odors.
- The stained-glass windows felt very church-like.
- Semi-clean bathrooms.
- The music situation was awkward. There was no transition between songs, so there was this weird moment of silence between tracks. However, the stripper continued to dance through the silence.
- The girls were very fit, but fit on an attainable, aspirational level.
- I was pleasantly surprised to see so many dancers with natural breasts.
- I’m impressed with their core strength.
- After they dance, the ladies work the room to get more money from the patrons. A few sat down and talked to us about how they got into the field (one said it was simply on her bucket list and she has a full-time, day job).
- Another dancer expressed her gratitude that our group of ladies came into Camelot to appreciate her work instead of judging.
- Oh, sweet dancer, I judged, but not the ladies…
- A few weird couples, but mostly…
- Old, overweight, creepy men staring at the women as if they wanted to skin and wear them as coats.
- There was one particular brand of creep who was half Gene Shalit/half Terry Richardson throwing copious amounts of singles on the dancers and making the women he was paying to sit near him, get up and throw money on the stage on his behalf. It will take two showers to wash off the filth I felt while watching you, creepy man.
- Sequins and lucite
- FYI: When you take off your g-string, you can wrap it around your wrist like a bracelet.
- Like a Sphinx cat, absolutely no body hair.
I’m glad I experienced this, mostly because I can say that I’ve been there, done that, and will probably never do it again. It was as pleasant of an experience as a strip club can be for a first timer.
2. Eat at a Diner in the Middle of the Night
On our way home, Anne agreed to stop to get something to eat, thereby completing another goal. I added this to my list because in my 31 years on earth, I’ve never eaten at a restaurant past 9 pm. And I’ve never done so after a raucous night out. At this time of the evening, my only priority is to sleep and I’d rather go to bed hungry than not get my eight hours of sleep.
I was especially excited because, believe it or not, this was Anne’s first time at IHOP. So many new life experiences!
Kris, feeling neglected due to his wife’s decision to go to a strip club without him, also went out with friends. On his way home, the timing worked out and he was also able to join us at IHOP.
I went to bed at 3:30/4 and woke up around 9:30. I’ve been miserable all day because I didn’t get a full night’s sleep, but it was worth the experience and definitely worth spending extra time with Anne, Kris, and completing this goal.
(A big thank you to Tali, Deborah, Erin, and Anne for helping me complete this goal.)