Get Knighted

Completed:  1. If Americans can get knighted, look into getting knighted

After some research (and emails with the British embassy), I learned that Americans cannot be knighted and can only receive “honorary” knighthoods.

Then I wondered, how can an American get this honorary title? Can one just apply online?


This honorary title seems to only be reserved for VIP Americans like Bill Gates, Bob Hope, Colin Powell, or George Bush, Sr.  From what I’ve read, “when a person is knighted by the Queen of England, it is because they have contributed something important to society.” Or based on that list above, have lots of money and a penis.

I however, don’t like to let rules hold me back from living my dream. Nor did I consider losing hope on becoming a knight and completing my goal, despite the fact that I have to be on Bill Gates’ level to simply get an honorary title. Instead, I went down the second best route…

Medieval Times, bless its little heart, performs knighting ceremonies. And because I’m a dumbass, I reached out to their sales manager and booked my ceremony.

On Saturday, February 22, in the year of our lord, 2014, I became a knight. Suck it, England.

Me and the King
“I want to look like the pimpest knight ever,” I instructed the costume team.
My official scroll
My official scroll
Bow down, peasants
Bow down, peasants.

Even though this was initially just a frivolous Saturday activity, I unexpectedly experienced some personal growth. I’m quite open on this blog and social media, but I REALLY don’t like to be the center of attention. Particularly if I get any type of serious compliment or recognition, I typically turn red, deflect, or say something self deprecating. The ceremony, though silly, made me face this deep issue I have with praise and for that, I thank Don Carlos, El Magnifico, king of the Baltimore Medieval Times.

– Sir Lyssa


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