The Beast is Hungry

Every year, I get inspired to do something unique on my birthday — last year I dominated Cheeburger Cheeburger’s one-pounder challenge and was featured on the wall of fame [with about a million other people]. In usual form, I was hungry about an hour later. I thought to myself, “I really need to take advantage of this bottomless stomach the gods have blessed me with. I need to enter a real food competition.” So, I added it to my list of goals this year.

The D.C. area has a lot of options. In my dream world, I would enter a French fry competition, which I’d obviously win. French fries are a real passion of mine. Sadly, there’s no fry-exclusive competition in the DMV.

And I do have some criteria. For example, I refuse to comp-EAT the following: eggs, ice cream, oysters/seafood, spicy, and pretty much any dessert. The thought of eating any of those items in excess makes me want to gag.

I’ve found a few challenges that I really think are do-able:

Family Pizzeria’s 28-inch Pizza Challenge: I will need a partner for this. The duo must complete the competition within an hour. Winners get their pizza paid in full, $40, and t-shirts. I would usually volunteer Kris, but this might be a little too serious for his baby bird stomach. Plus, he doesn’t like cheese or crust. It’s amazing we’re as compatible as we are.

Brion’s Grille 4-Burger Challenge:  I am an independent woman and all, so I lean toward a compeition I can complete myself. With this challenge, I’d have one hour to eat four burgers on a bed of cheese fries. Bonus: the fries. If completed, the winner will be awarded $250.

I also found District Taco’s 15 tacos in 15 minutes challenge, but one of the tacos they require you to eat has eggs. Bummer.

I have a full year to complete, so I am going to take my time on this decision. In the meantime, I welcome any and all suggestions, concerns, and/or your judgmental glare.